Buckle up, ladies and gents, it’s about to get a wee bit sweary.
You see, I am done. I’ve had enough. There are some people in this world that just need fucking told. And I am on the verge of volunteering to fucking tell them. That’s right folks, today someone stood on my last fucking nerve.
You see, you’re not the most important person in the world. And neither am I. Nor is Daddio, the Milk Monster, or the Main Man Mini Silver. They may be my world, but it does not revolve around them. Or me. Or the twat who I shouted at today who seemed to think he was the only thing that mattered in the world. Yes, you. I’m talking to you.
I’m also talking to the guy in the Audi who overtook me on a blind bend when my kids were in the back and I was driving at 2 miles under the speed limit. You are not the only car on the road. You are not so important that the world will stop if you’re 2 minutes late. You may well be important enough to someone, though, who would be terribly upset if you turned up early in the morgue.
Woman who decided not to say excuse me to my boy as she elbowed past him in the supermarket, you. I’m talking to you too. He’s a kid. He has fantastic manners. You, my dear, are a dick. Try not shoving past a 7 year old next time. Because it’s a shitty thing to do.
Oh, and guy calling to ask me to do a survey who doesn’t even pronounce my name right when I’ve just got the Tiny Tyrant to close his eyes? Turn down the job next time. It’s just not worth it. And I know you should be able to get a better job…the reason you can’t is also crap. Consider me utterly pissed off with that too.
Daddio, you’re getting your daily telling off here too, for dirty dish stew. No, you didn’t “put them into soak.” Fairy Liquid made that unneccessary in 1992, so don’t come that shit with me, sweetpea. It’s minging. And we had lamb for tea, so that shit is fatty. And we both know I’m going to have to deal with it…
And as for all the bad things that happen to good people? Well they can just fuck right off. I’m done. It’s too much. And it’s not fair. My villagers have earned better things than this, so whoever is in charge around here wants to get it sorted out.
Before something even worse happens. Like an orange leather skinned, waste of skin and bone, racist, fascist, sexist, sexually assaulting bag of shite getting keys to the Whitehouse.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I give up…